Am I really happy?

So so so many things happened recently.. Especially the past month.

Yes I've had my happy moments, spending time with my friends, going to clubs, meeting cute guys, but am I really happy? Do I want this life?

Happiness is just temporary.

Every bad things that happens to me, I deserve it, that's all I can say.

Maybe it's just rants from a girl alone at home at 11pm.

I just want a normal life back again..

Today's class was sooooo good. Such a great way to end my holidays.

Talking about my holidays, my intern is starting next week.

"Mixed feelings."

I'm feeling excited yet nervous. Anyways, I will go with an open mind and try to enjoy it as much as possible.

MY BIRTHDAY
Babe booked a chalet for me as a surprise birthday present for my birthday. I truly enjoyed myself so much on that 3 days. I need it back. Why can't everyday be as happy as that 3 days?

His friends are kind enough to gift me a keyboard, which is what I always wanted.

Sometimes I feel so blessed, while sometimes I feel like the world is going against me. Sometimes I feel loved. Sometimes I feel unwanted. Sometimes I feel like I am something. Sometimes I feel like no one gives a shit about me.

FRIENDS
I am suddenly getting back together with my friends whom I used to have conflicts with or drifted with. I am so glad that I am back with them again. I guess real friends are those who stay, despite the good or bad. Thanks for accepting me for who I am. Especially you, charmcheong. I'm so grateful for people like her. In the past, it was me. My fault, I created all the troubles and conflicts. But she was kind enough to forgive and forget. Thank you.

Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve such wonderful people in my life.

Class BBQ this upcoming Sunday, excited? I guess. I'm just hoping it'll not be awkward.

Anyway, I shall end my post here and enjoy my holidays while I can BY DOTAing HEHEHE

x
jt

Quite a late post, but anyways today was a good day, starting my day off by sleeping beside my boy. Went to his house afterwards and sent him to work. Headed to school for dance after that. The stations were like oh my god, super crowded and squeezy.

I enjoyed today's sharing session so so much! I'm so damn happy to see my favourite senior that I always look up to, to come for the sharing session!! Oh my god!!

Having a really bad flu nowadays, and it's so irritating. Wish it could go away :(

Anyway this is like a last minute post I'm like using my phone to post this. I guess that's all! Sorry I hope I'll have a proper post soon next time!

X

Happiness.

Woohoo! I'm actually not lazy to do another blogpost.

Today was a happy happy day with my boy, just decided to go out since we haven't been going out and plus he just started working and had a day off to relax. It was coincidentally our 1 year and 9 months today!

We went to Dazzling Cafe, and a movie afterwards.
Had our favourite dishes at Dazzling, and our favourite genre of movie, HORROR!!

He is currently at my place now and gonna have a stayover here.

Nothing much to update, but I'm trying to pen down my thoughts or what I do everyday, so that when one day, I'll read back on all my memories.

x

I'm back?

Oh my, have stopped blogging for so so long. Anyways, I have decided to be back because

1) I need to get lots of things off from me
2) I have not much people I can say to

I'm just really wondering, am I such a bad friend/person?

Firstly, friendship problems. Oh my god, I think I am like fated to have friendship problems?? Is it just me or the other party? Are we both at fault? I have no idea. I just feel so lonely, so damn lonely.

And no one knows.

Everyone thinks I'm fine, I'm smiling, I'm there, but guys, I'm barely smiling inside. I'm just, DYING. So many doubts & questions, yet I have no answers. I'm really trying, trying so hard. But I'm sorry, I can't anymore, I gave up, I isolate myself, I keep quiet, I'm practically alone. This feeling is so hard to explain it. You really have to be in my shoes to understand it, it is so complicated.

This is the true feeling of 'Do I give up, or try harder?'

Secondly, dance. I am feeling good in outside classes, I feel myself coming out of my shell, my comfort zone, I'm having fun. Yet all these, it is still not enough. It is never enough. Of course, I will never stop trying, but could you just look at my improvements instead of just thinking that I suck?

Yeah I suckED, last year because I was just a beginner into that genre, but now that I have learnt more on the way, I felt an improvement. C'mon, anyone will improve if they had been dancing for almost 2 years WEEKLY right? Yes no doubt I'm not there yet, but you have to stop pulling me down. Or maybe I just shouldn't be so affected by you or your words, but I just am because I still respect you.

"Slowly, but surely"

Anyways, talking about dance classes, it is the best decision I have ever made to start attending outside dance classes. The feel, the vibe, the energy, it is so so different from what I get in school. I am enjoying myself so much more, I am comfortable experimenting new things. That short 1-2hrs, I learnt so so much. I just enjoy it so much, especially because for my favourite genre.

On the side note, lots of people have been commenting saying that I have slimmed down. But hey, I still eat unhealthily and especially supper. Well, I guess maybe you could start dancing!! Hehehe.

Okay, imma stop here, maybe next time again? Another post?

Thanks to anyone to reads it but I really doubt anyone will.

x

Oh oh! By the way if you are wondering why do I not want to start afresh and create a nicer/cooler blog, well, I thought that even if I do that, I can't changed what happened in the past. Let it all be memories and lesson learnt for me.

This is why i appreciate my friends so so much, especially Goh Reina. She's my everything. She supports, encourages, advice me. Listens to my bullshits thru my good n bad. She doesn't judge, she just wants the best for me. She makes me feel so important and wanted. "Secondary school friends are the best." this is why i will never let go of her. I love you baby girl.

hello everyone :)

decided to post because blogs are not very popular nowadays and no one will be judgemental of what I'm gna say lol.

soooo, recently, alot of things happened, some were bad, some were good. definitely, good times were when I'm with him :) and yea, so my parents found out. ok not gna elaborate.

worked fr like 2 weeks last month and earned 432 $___$ hehehheheh. spent my X'mas eve, New yrs eve and New yr with him :)

last yr Nov, went to Shanghai with sch. it was sooooo fun damn i miss it alot :(

Os this year, I'm still 60% slacking. gahhhhh need to buck up man. aiming <15 points, hope to enter Ngee Ann Poly :)

received my D&T coursework Os alr, and my mind is like blank. totally blank. idk what to make...

& I definitely need to stop instashopping!!!!!!!!!!

2 MORE MONTHS TO MY BDAY HEHEHE hope to celebrate with him :)

hmmmmm, its been long since we last met, 2 weeks++ alr. just wna say I'm really when I'm with you. nowadays, ok not nowadays, fr like 1week++ you have been so cold to me, yep we drifted.... expected...... but I AM going to wait. IF you're tired of me or smth, I WILL make you fall in love back with me :)

I love you boy.

ALRIGHT SO HERE I WILL END MY POST BAHAHAHHA BYE

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HELLO!!!!! HAVEN'T SPAZZED ABOUT SS4 RIGHT.

Although its like 3 weeks ago, i will never forget that night!!!!!!!!!!

Siwon is srsly /sobs. i can kill myself. i can't forget his smile fml and his muscles aldjfhalksjdhfkjasdhf

yesung i hate you :( always wave to the people beside me BUT NOT ME. you ignored my domo hat T___T and siwon picked up charm's angry bird hat AKSDLAKSHFDJKASHGF

SUNGMIN WAVED AT MEEEEEEEEE. (in fact he wave at everyone)

And there's another sad thing, i lost my lightstick and towel zzzzzzz which are my merch. my only 2 merch. i lost it. great. no memories fr ss4 alr.... LE SIGH

OKAY SO RECENTLY NTH MUCH HAPPEN HOLIDAYS ARE HERE MY BIRTHDAY IS REACHING AND BYEEEEEEEEEEE

Hi!!

Okay so last Saturday and Sunday, me qianru jenny janice rach christine and charm went to stay at rws!! wooooo~ rws=resorts world sentosa!!

First i went to feifei's house ^_^ then got this damn cute boy!!!!!! got angmoh look LOL

Then went to rach's house. me charm and qianru permed our hair ^_^ and all of us squeezed in a car!! nice right!! hahahahha then me janice and christine started self-caming like we're idols HAHAHAHA

(ma and charm hair permed)

we reached rws and we jumped on da bed!!!

(charm and janice)

then we immediately went swimming. the place to swim was..... damn cool and nice man.

(me janice and the scenery of the swimming place we went!!)

night time we went to vivo and ate White Dog's Cafe then we watched midnight movie. We Not Naughty(i think it's the title) then i was like falling asleep cause cannot tahan too tired alr lol.

(at white dog's cafe)

(before/after the movie lol i forgot)

We went back, changed, and sleep. we slept at near 4am.

The next day, woke up, packed up, camwhored awhile then check out.

(everyone!)

we went to eat icecream, then went to vivo(again) then we went to eat pepperlunch then all of us went home.

thanks to qianru fr this stayover at rws ^__^

anw 18 more days to ss4 :') my boys......

KBAI