I'm back?

Oh my, have stopped blogging for so so long. Anyways, I have decided to be back because

1) I need to get lots of things off from me
2) I have not much people I can say to

I'm just really wondering, am I such a bad friend/person?

Firstly, friendship problems. Oh my god, I think I am like fated to have friendship problems?? Is it just me or the other party? Are we both at fault? I have no idea. I just feel so lonely, so damn lonely.

And no one knows.

Everyone thinks I'm fine, I'm smiling, I'm there, but guys, I'm barely smiling inside. I'm just, DYING. So many doubts & questions, yet I have no answers. I'm really trying, trying so hard. But I'm sorry, I can't anymore, I gave up, I isolate myself, I keep quiet, I'm practically alone. This feeling is so hard to explain it. You really have to be in my shoes to understand it, it is so complicated.

This is the true feeling of 'Do I give up, or try harder?'

Secondly, dance. I am feeling good in outside classes, I feel myself coming out of my shell, my comfort zone, I'm having fun. Yet all these, it is still not enough. It is never enough. Of course, I will never stop trying, but could you just look at my improvements instead of just thinking that I suck?

Yeah I suckED, last year because I was just a beginner into that genre, but now that I have learnt more on the way, I felt an improvement. C'mon, anyone will improve if they had been dancing for almost 2 years WEEKLY right? Yes no doubt I'm not there yet, but you have to stop pulling me down. Or maybe I just shouldn't be so affected by you or your words, but I just am because I still respect you.

"Slowly, but surely"

Anyways, talking about dance classes, it is the best decision I have ever made to start attending outside dance classes. The feel, the vibe, the energy, it is so so different from what I get in school. I am enjoying myself so much more, I am comfortable experimenting new things. That short 1-2hrs, I learnt so so much. I just enjoy it so much, especially because for my favourite genre.

On the side note, lots of people have been commenting saying that I have slimmed down. But hey, I still eat unhealthily and especially supper. Well, I guess maybe you could start dancing!! Hehehe.

Okay, imma stop here, maybe next time again? Another post?

Thanks to anyone to reads it but I really doubt anyone will.

x

Oh oh! By the way if you are wondering why do I not want to start afresh and create a nicer/cooler blog, well, I thought that even if I do that, I can't changed what happened in the past. Let it all be memories and lesson learnt for me.